The Invisible Labour of Holding Space
As counsellors, we are trained to stay in the Adult ego state—centred, grounded, and focused on facilitating others’ growth. We are taught to hold space with care, uphold professional ethics, and act as quiet agents of change. Our role is to bear witness, not centre ourselves. And yet, over time, this very act of centring others can lead to a slow erosion of our own voice.
We celebrate our clients’ resilience and breakthroughs, while our own efforts remain unspoken. The emotional labour, creative thinking, and presence we offer are often internalised, rarely affirmed. The nurturing and protective functions of the Parent ego state quietly operate in the background, yet we hesitate to honour them, worried that acknowledging our contribution might awaken the voice of the Critical Parent, whispering: “You’re being self-indulgent.”
This ongoing silence, embedded in a culture of humility and caution, can leave many counsellors feeling disconnected from their own professional identity.
From Discounting to Redeciding
I found myself living out a quiet internal script of discounting—minimising the significance of my work, bypassing my own needs, and losing touch with the very message I try to instil in my clients: that I’m OK. While my external work remained meaningful, my internal world lacked reflection, integration, and renewal.
That changed when I turned to expressive arts—not as a tool for clients, but as a way of reconnecting with my inner world. I began a personal practice of painting, collage, visual journaling, and metaphorical sculpture. This was not about showcasing success; it was about witnessing my journey.
Through this process, I revisited life positions I’d moved through—moments where I felt “I’m not OK, you’re OK,” and slowly reclaimed a balanced stance of “I’m OK, you’re OK.” Art became my mirror. A way to give form to feelings I couldn’t articulate and to externalise internal dialogues long left unspoken.
The PAC Within: Giving Voice to the Ego States
As I created, I noticed how the Parent, Adult, and Child (PAC) ego states played out across my artwork:
- My Free Child emerged through spontaneous colours, intuitive brush strokes, and playful experimentation.
- My Nurturing Parent affirmed my need for rest, kindness, and validation.
- My Adult provided perspective—helping me integrate my experiences and track patterns in my emotional landscape.
Every artistic expression became a symbolic stroke, a self-generated affirmation. The art was not made for an audience. It was made for me. And that made it sacred.
Artifacts of Identity: Meaning in the Making
Each creative piece held meaning beyond the surface:
- Mandalas captured the many roles I hold—counsellor, supervisor, advocate, witness.
- Journal pages layered with pigment embodied the emotional texture of my professional days.
- Clay sculptures gave shape to abstract concepts like safety, rupture, and repair.
Through shaping these forms, I was also reshaping my inner script. I began to decontaminate my Adult ego state—removing outdated beliefs about visibility, worth, and what it means to care for others and oneself.
Integration Through Creative Reflection
This reflective process offered more than insight—it offered integration. It reminded me that counsellors, too, need positive strokes. That we must allow ourselves to be seen, even if only by ourselves.
Through this journey, I engaged in self-reparenting—meeting my own emotional needs with the same tenderness I offer clients. The expressive arts became a non-verbal language of self-recognition: self-validation without ego, self-compassion without arrogance.
In redecision therapy, we encourage clients to challenge and rewrite the limiting beliefs of their early scripts. This was my redecision: to claim my own growth, to step into wholeness.
A Call to Counsellors: Reclaiming the OK-ness Within
In a data-driven profession that often privileges outcomes over emotional process, creative reflection helps us return to what matters most: presence, meaning, and relational depth.
So, to my fellow practitioners—if you’ve forgotten the fullness of your own story, I invite you to pause. Step into reflection. Let your Free Child create without constraint. Allow your Nurturing Parent to offer comfort. And give your Adult space to observe, integrate, and make meaning.
You are not just a vessel for others’ healing. You are a human being, shaped by every session, stretched by every silence, and transformed by every encounter.
Final Reflection
“In the quiet act of creating, I found something I didn’t know I was missing: the affirmation that my work matters—not just to others, but to me. And that is a truth worth holding onto.”